Brains and Brawn; Part 1

 Dr. Ferris appears in an empty room, with a single door, sealed behind a combination lock. A number of chalk outlines of human bodies in various positions cover the floor and walls. Dr. Ferris pauses for a moment.

Dr. Ferris; Hmm... I have no idea which Fear this room is supposed to represent...

Dr. Ferris looks around, before turning to face the door.

Dr. Ferris; Well, I don't see a timer or any indication that there's a time limit here...

Dr. Ferris sits down, carefully observing each chalk outline.

Dr. Ferris; Might as well take my time solving this.

Several minutes pass, before a voice comes on over the loudspeaker.

Mysterious Voice; Well, hello there! Dr. Ferris, correct? Are you having trouble with this room?

Dr. Ferris; Hm? Oh, no. I figured out the combination a while ago. I was just double checking my calculations. I'm sorry, who are you?

Mysterious Voice; Oh, you see, Acelegin and Red Daniel have tragically perished.

Dr. Ferris; Unfortunate, but not unexpected.

Mysterious Voice; So I've come to step in as commentator!

Dr. Ferris; Equally unfortunate...

Mysterious Voice; Anyway, you are now in an escape room themed after the Ivory Woman! The solution requires you to-

Dr. Ferris; The combination is 36 right, 12 left, 17 right, then tug my left earlobe. I managed to figure that all out by examining the angle of the outline's limbs.

Mysterious Voice; Um... How did you figure out the earlobe thing?

Dr. Ferris; Fuck you, that's how.

A large portion of one wall suddenly collapses, and Quan steps through the hole.

Quan; Oh, hey Doc. What's this room about?

Mysterious Voice; Greetings, Derek Quanford! You have unfortunately triggered this rooms defense protocols, and you are both about to be incinerated!

Several hatches open up on the ceiling, and flames begin raining down from them.

Dr. Ferris; Dammit! You imbecile!

Dr. Ferris teleports up to Quan, grabs him, and they both vanish.

The two of them reappear in a different room. Quan collapses in pain.

Quan; Fuck! Warn a dude next time you decide to drag him through the God's Way!

Dr. Ferris; It's your own damn fault! What were you thinking? Just bursting your way into random rooms you know nothing about? You can't just punch your way through every problem!

Quan rises to his feet, as the loudspeaker comes back on.

Mysterious Voice; Well, hello you two! You seem to have teleported into the Rake themed room! Something should be done about that...

Glowing runes appear along the walls.

Dr. Ferris; Dammit. More of these...

Mysterious Voice; Now, now, if you're concerned about being... how did you put it... "tethered?"... You aren't as limited as you were in the first room! You both may make use of your respective teleportation methods, but you will be confined to this room.

Dr. Ferris teleports to the other side of the room.

Dr. Ferris; They're right. I can still use the God's Way, but I can't leave this space...

Quan; I'll take your word for it. So just who is this asshat?

Dr. Ferris; They seem to be our new announcer, now that Acelegin and Red Daniel are... unavailable...

Quan; Think there's more to it?

Dr. Ferris; Obviously. But more data is needed before a conclusion is reached. So, what's the deal with this room?

Several lights come on overhead, further illuminating the room. There is a single, barred door on the South wall, a High-Striker game with a mallet leaning next to it on the West wall, a Punch-Testing game on the North wall, and a Whack-A-Mole-esque game on the East wall.

Mysterious Voice; This room is rather simple. Solve every challenge in this room, and the door will open. Between the 2 of you, 3 failures will be permitted. Any more than that, and... well...

Hatches open on the ceiling.

Mysterious Voice; Incineration.

Dr. Ferris; Wonderful...

Quan; What the hell do carnival games have to do with the Rake?

Mysterious Voice; That's for me to know, and you to figure out.

Quan; Just who is this prick?

Dr. Ferris; Not sure yet. But it's something I intend to find out.

Quan; So, why are you still here? You regained access to the God's Way earlier. Why didn't you just bail?

Dr. Ferris; Why would I? I love escape rooms. Bit of a hobby of mine. Put the mind and problem-solving skills to a proper test. Furthermore...

Dr. Ferris glares at a security camera on the ceiling.

Dr. Ferris; I wanna figure out who's running this whole thing. And I can't solve that mystery if I leave.

Quan cracks his knuckles.

Quan; Good point. I'd like to deck whoever's in charge in the fucking face.

Dr. Ferris; Then we're in agreement. We work together. For now.

Quan; Got it.

They both approach the Punch-Testing machine. Dr. Ferris sighs.

Dr. Ferris; Damn it. I can't believe I'm saying this, but it looks like we need to punch our way through this problem...

Quan; Ha! I'm just the man for the job.

Quan prepares to throw a punch, but Dr. Ferris stops hm by hooking his arm with his cane.

Dr. Ferris; Hold on. Let me examine this machine for a minute. There might be more to it.

Quan; Ugh, fine. Buzzkill.

Dr. Ferris looks over the machine. His hair turns black, and his eyes begin glowing red.

Dr. Ferris; I see... We need to hit it with just the right amount of force. We need to hit it with a minimum of 5000 Newtons.

Quan; Oh, I can do that easily.

Dr. Ferris; There's a catch. This thing is rigged to explode if we go over 10K.

Quan; I see. So, I've gotta hold back. Hmm... Gimme a sec.

Quan picks up a pebble off the ground, and flicks it at the pad of the Punch-Testing machine. The counter goes up to 5461, and a bell rings, as confetti rains down from the ceiling.

Dr. Ferris; How on Earth did you...?

Quan; Escape rooms are one of your hobbies. Shooting marbles is one of mine. I know how to measure the strength of my flicks.

Dr. Ferris; Well, you've got some damn strong thumbs...

The 2 move on to the Whack-A-Mole machine.

Quan; So, what's the deal with this one?

Dr. Ferris; Let me have a look.

Dr. Ferris's hair turns black again, and his eyes turn red. He examines the machine for a bit.

Dr. Ferris; Hmm. Seems to be Whack-A-Fear. Inside are a rotating group of Fear models. No telling which Fear will pop out of which hole at what time. Hitting different Fears have a different effect on the score.

Quan; So we wanna go for the more valuable ones?

Dr. Ferris; Yes and no. Like the last game, we don't wanna go above a certain threshold. We wanna get at least 1000 points, while keeping it bellow 1300.

Quan; So, which Fears do we focus on?

Dr. Ferris; Avoid the Vision. It'd be like picking up a random penny on the street. It's technically money, but not valuable enough to have any value. Don't bother hitting the Cold Boy or Unnamed Child either, unless our score goes over the threshold.

Quan; Will they cost us points?

Dr. Ferris; Cold boy shaves off 50 from our total, and the Unnamed Child brings us down by 6 percent.

Quan; Got it. So, what are the good ones?

Dr. Ferris; Slender Man is worth 20, Archangel is worth 50, Valvarn is a bonus 5 percent of our current score, Wooden Girl is an extra 10 percent, and the Brute grants a random amount between 1 and 300. Hitting the Rake will double our current score, but it only pops up for a split second, making it the hardest to hit.

Quan; Huh. I think I'm starting to catch onto the theme here...

Dr. Ferris; How so?

Quan; You know how the Rake is usually portrayed as being a feral creature, but is secretly super intelligent? Well, I think the theme of these games is-

Dr. Ferris; Calculated Savagery...

Quan; I was gonna say "Smart violence", but... yeah.

Quan picks up the games hammer.

Quan; Keep an eye on the score. I'll get started.

Quan starts up the machine, and begins smacking the Fears as they come up. After a while, Dr. Ferris catches Quan's arm with his cane.

Dr. Ferris; You've gone over. Hit the next Cold Boy or Unnamed Child you see.

Quan nods, and hits an Unnamed Child as it pops up. The score falls just below 1300. Quan waits for the timer to buzz, and more confetti falls from the ceiling.

Quan; That's 2 challenges down. Just one left, right?

Dr. Ferris; So it would seem.

Quan; That last one is one of those "bring the hammer down to ring the bell" things, right?

Dr. Ferris; Looks like it.

They both approach the High-Striker game.

Quan; Same as the last 2, right? Try to hit it just hard enough, but not too hard?

Dr. Ferris; Maybe. I have an idea, though...

Quan; Oh yeah?

Dr. Ferris; You know that one trope, where people hit these things so hard, that the bell gets knocked off?

Quan; Sure. What about it?

Dr. Ferris; Well, my hypothesis is that that's the limit here. We hit it as hard as possible, without the bell getting dislodged. 

Quan; Makes sense.

Dr. Ferris; So then, if we render the bell incapable of being removed, it won't matter how hard we hit it.

Quan; Huh... Do you wanna examine this one to be sure?

Dr. Ferris; Well, we are allowed a total of 3 failures, and we haven't failed yet. So why not take a chance? Half the fun of escape rooms is the risk factor.

Quan; Well, our lives are sort of on the line here...

Dr. Ferris; Which is why we'll only try this once. If it doesn't work, I'll give this machine a closer look, and see if there's another way to go about this.

Quan; Okay. So, how do we keep it still.

Dr. Ferris raises a hand, focusing on the bell.

Dr. Ferris; Leave that to me. You land the blow.

Quan lifts the mallet, takes a breath, and hits the lever with all his might. The puck rises, hitting the bell, and confetti fall from the ceiling yet again.

Quan; Wow. I was worried I put too much into that. How'd you do that?

Dr. Ferris; Empty City's power. Let's me control metal and rock. Which includes holding it still.

Quan; Neat. So, uh... Why is the door still barred shut?

Mysterious Voice; Congratulations! You've solved 3 of the challenges set before you. However, as I said, you must solve every challenge in this room. And there is still 1 left.

Quan; And what would that be?

Mysterious Voice; Why, each other, of course!

Dr. Ferris; Excuse me?

Mysterious Voice; You see, I've been observing you both. You work well together. Managed to avoid failing even once. You make a great team! Brawns and brains, in perfect balance! Aha!

The Mysterious Voice lets out an audible sigh, and shifts to a darker tone.

Mysterious Voice; I can't have that.

Quan; What do you mean?

Mysterious Voice; I mean that only 1 of you may continue. The other... well...

Dr. Ferris; You expect us to fight to the death.

Mysterious Voice; Bingo! There's a reason you're the smart one! Now, get to it. That door won't open 'til one of you is dead.

Dr. Ferris sighs.

Dr. Ferris; What a pain...

Quan; So, that's it, then? We gotta come to blows.

Quan pulls a pair of fingerless gloves out of his back pocket and begins sliding them on.

Dr. Ferris; It appears so.

The 2 begin circling each other. A glyph resembling a lightning bolt flashes briefly on the back of Quan's right glove.

Quan; What a shame. This team up was pretty fun.

Dr. Ferris; I suppose so.

Dr. Ferris clicks a switch on his cane, revealing the sword concealed inside of it. A glyph resembling a snowflake briefly appears on the back of Quan's left glove.

Dr. Ferris; For what it's worth, I'm sorry for what comes next.

Dr. Ferris draws his blade, pointing it at Quan. Quan chuckles.

Quan; You speak like you've already won. But you don't seem to understand.

Quan's muscles begin bulging, and his body increases slightly in size.

Quan; I ain't you're typical Enhanced, buddy.

A dark aura envelopes Quan, and he glares into Dr. Ferris's eyes.

Quan; I'm the mother-hugging OG!

Kai: This shit's for the birds

 Kai and Kareena entered the new room and then he had to almost tackle his friend to keep her from trying to back out.

"Nope!  We dealt with this shit before, we'll fuckin' do it again!" said Kai as he almost had to pick her up.  

"I DON'T WANNA BE AT THE BIRD BITCH'S CASTLE, THOUGH!" whined Kareena loudly.

"I'll buy you booze after this shit's over, okay?!  DON'T KICK ME!"

"You OWE me, you fucker!" snapped Kareena when she realized the door out was already shut.  

"Well, it it makes you feel better, at least we don't have to deal with any weird forest shit or that weird, shitty rat-fear thing," grumbled the teen as he looked around.  "Okay, you know Bird Bitch better than me.  What's her deal?"

"Well, she's really into manipulating people with guilt, the greater the guilt, the more tasty, I think.  She's also currently trying to completely assimilate the Convocation and the Archangel, too.  Hmm..."

"Why guilt?" he asked as he looked around the room.  The room itself looked like it was apart of a large castle-like structure, with vines and tree branches growing through parts of it.  "I would have thought she'd be more into the 'I can make your physical pain go away'."

"Eh, I remember Cliff saying that emotional trauma like Survivor's Guilt and regret over a past mistake makes people more likely to jump at the chance to get away from the responsibility of their actions.  Why else do people drink when they got a bad past?"

"That is completely fair," replied Kai before he found what looked to be a weird looking key.  It was a bone key in the form of a feather, yet had grooves in it to be used for a locking mechanism.  "Okay, found a bone-feather key.  Think it unlocks the weird door over there?"

"Has to.  Why else would it be a key?" asked Kareena before she sniffed the air.  "...smells weird.  Like...like...why does that smell familiar?"

Kai sniffs the air himself, though he doesn't smell anything.  "I can't smell shit."

"If you have covid, I'm gonna murder you."

"And a resounding fuck you to you, too!" said Kai with a smile.  "Now come on.  If you smell something weird, that means there's probably a weird gas in here.  Let's hurry."

Both attempted to use the feather key, but it seemed the door needed something else before the lock would actually work.

"Are you fucking shitting me?!" demanded Kai.  "It's the key!  The key fits!  Why is it not turning?!"

Kareena was thinking a moment before she shrugged.  "Maybe we need to find an analogy for therapy?"

"If Valravn is a therapist, she's the shittiest one I ever heard of.  I would not recommend Tyler to visit her, and that fucker tried to kill me."

"I can't say I met him...huh, this is a weird knife," said Kar as she picked it up.  Looking over, Kai couldn't help but think that thing was familiar.  

"...I think I killed someone with that."

"Well, it's a knife.  It's kinda what you do with them," said Kar as she handed it over.

"No...No, I did kill someone with that knife.  In an elevator at a car park.  After the fucker got me in the shoulder."

"Are you okay?" asked Kareena as she put her hand on his forehead.

"...Well, when the bitch said she liked guilt..."

"Were...were you in a tournament before?"

"I think so," said Kai before he went to the door again.  "Let's see what the knife can do for us?"  Plunging the knife into the middle of the door, and then inserting the key into the lock, the door finally opened.

"Let's get the fuck out of here."

And the two left.

Omega's Room; Revengeance

Omega wakes up after exploding in a hedge maze and finds himself in a dark forest, the sky above a deep periwinkle blue. Omega instantly realises where he is, and chuckles softly to himself.

In response, a voice resounds behind him. “Mr. Omega, I've finally caught up with you, bitch.”

“Slendy, we've danced this dance before, Slendy,” Omega replies, turning around to face his adversary for the night, who doesn’t, himself, face Omega because he hasn’t got one of those. Omega continues: “I thought you were dead, Slendy.”

 "No, Mr. Omega, I'm here to make sure what should've happened last time happens now, bitch."

Slender Man starts to disappear, but not after spelling out the rules for his grudge match with Omega: "collect my pages, bitch."

Omega starts his search through the forest for Slender Man's eight pages. His plan of attack is simple: check all the prominent landmarks, because that's where he'd put his own pages if their positions were reversed. 

He goes to each landmark--the red tower, the concrete tunnel, the large tree in a small clearing, the broken-down truck, the large rocks, the cross-wall, the rusted water tanks--saving the interior of the abandoned building for last, because, he figures, he could easily become cornered and unable to fight back; he was on his way to a date when Slender Man apprehended him, after all, and it's usually considered socially unacceptable to bring weapons to those.

When he arrives at the abandoned building, Slender Man is, unsurprisingly, in hot pursuit, throwing out taunts such as "there's no escape, Mr. Omega" and "I'm gonna kill you, bitch". With each taunt, Omega gives a prompt and sharp response like "Slendy, you're weak, Slendy. You couldn't kill a wet paper bag, Slendy" or "I am the one who collects pages, Slendy". 

Upon entering, Omega checks each room quickly, and before long he finds the room containing the final page. To his surprise, however, he also finds his weapon of choice: the legendary katana called "Baka Gaijin" (TL: "Deadly Cherry Blossom"), made of glorious Nippon steel folded 1,000 times.

Blade in hand, Omega turns to face his adversary again, who, in turn, doesn't face Omega because he hasn't got one of those. "Slendy, even in our darkest hours, hope survives, Slendy. Are you ready to show me your violet colored blood once more, Slendy?"

"You think you can kill me by referencing the most legendary of slenderblogs, Mr. Omega? This isn’t your precious ‘Fear Mythos,’ with its ‘Public Domain’ and ‘Creative Commons’ nonsense, bitch. And I'm not Slender Man as copyrighted by Victor Surge and a still unknown third party; I'm Slender Man as he appears in Slender: the Eight Pages and Slender: the Arrival; no invocation of written work has the ability to harm me, bitch."

"Well, Slendy, I guess we'll just have to see if you can survive this, Slendy: INFINITE JUSTICE EXPLOSION!" 

"Only if you can stand up to my TENTACLE DESPAIR TYPHOON, bitch."

Omega and Slender Man charge at each other, colliding with such force that, years down the line, some will say with reverence that the explosion could be seen from space. As it fades away, Omega is on one knee and bleeding, and Slender Man has a massive hole blown in his chest. 

"I am the Justice. I am the one who knocks," Omega says between ragged, pained breaths. A Door appears, and Omega steps through.

On the other side of the door, he finds himself at the nondescript restaurant, and realises that he hasn't eaten in a while, and he's hungry as Hell. However, he soon drops to his knees before falling onto his right side, causing the restaurant staff to call an ambulance for him, and soon after he is taken to the hospital and so is unable to eat anything for the foreseeable future.

Room One; Hedge Maze of Destiny

 Red Daniel wakes up in the announcer's booth, sitting next to Acelegin.

Red Daniel; Ugh, I am so hungover right now.

Red Daniel looks around.

Red Daniel; Ah, fuck we're here again. How'd we die last time? Wasn't it like, a meteor or something?

Acelegin calmly sips his beer.

Acelegin; I haven't the foggiest idea what you're talking about.

Red Daniel; Oh, right, you're in denial or whatever. So, what's the deal this time? Another tournament? More dates?

Acelegin taps on a set of notes in front of him.

Acelegin; A series of Fear themed escape rooms.

Red Daniel; Oh, fun.

Acelegin; Let's get started.

Acelegin presses a button on the intercom in front of him.

Acelegin; Hello everybody, I'm Acelegin! I'm joined here today by my co-host, Red Daniel.

Red Daniel; Sup, cucks! The name's Daniel Xavier Ferris! Friends call me Red.

Acelegin; Welcome to the official Fearniversary Escape Room Extravaganza! Introducing our contestants!

A spotlight comes on, revealing the eight contestants.

Acelegin; Starting with my own characters, we have Dr. Ferris.

Red Daniel; Oh, hey! Another me! Hi other me!

Dr. Ferris sighs.

Dr. Ferris; I see. The "Red one"...

Acelegin; As well as... Terrence McCleary, is that you?

Quan; Uh, no. I'm Quan.

Acelegin; Oh, right. My other dark-haired guy in a purple shirt.

Red Daniel; You can be really lazy with character designs. How many redheads in dresses do you have?

Acelegin; Three.

Acelegin strokes his chin thoughtfully.

Acelegin; It's three, right? I'm not forgetting anyone, am I?

Red Daniel; How the hell should I know?

Acelegin; Anyway, onto some characters contributed by other writers. First, we have Kai and Kareena, a pair of friends from the same universe as Dr. Ferris.

Dr. Ferris; Hello, children.

Kareena; Oh, hey. It's you.

Kai; Hi, Doctor.

Acelegin; Next up, we have the body hopping Dr. Malice and the fearsome Muffin Man.

Red Daniel; Hehe. Muffins.

Muffin Man; Don't you mock me!

The Muffin Man's body briefly flickers, and he looks down at his hands.

Muffin Man; What the?

Dr. Ferris; Oh, I already tried using the God's Way too. They seem to have done something to lock us out of it.

Quan reaches out a hand and attempts to open a portal, with no success.

Quan; Can't get to the Path either.

Dr. Malice; So we can't just teleport out of this escape room. We have no choice but to actually play along...

Acelegin; Next, we have Omega, the Unlucky Man, master of infinite badass deaths!

Omega; Hi! How much danger are we in right now?

Acelegin; According to these notes, a fuckton. And... that's odd... What's your name, sir?

Terrence Anathema; I'm Terrence Anathema.

Red Daniel; So there is a Terrence here!

Acelegin examines the notes.

Acelegin; You... um... don't seem to be on the list. How did you get here, exactly?

Terrence Anathema; Well, it's a funny story. You see, I was-

Acelegin; On second thought, I've stopped caring.

Acelegin takes out a pen and scribbles something on the notes.

Acelegin; There! I've added you to the list. I probably have the authority to do that. 

Terrence Anathema; Oh... Okay...

Acelegin; Now, on to the main event!

More lights come on, revealing that the contestants are in the middle of a massive, indoor hedge maze.

Acelegin; Welcome to the first escape room, themed after my own darling creation, the Vision! There are multiple exits to this maze, each leading to other escape rooms! Your job is to locate these exits!

Quan; A maze, huh? Sounds simple enough...

Dr. Malice; There's a catch, isn't there?

Acelegin; Scattered throughout the maze are various puzzles, traps, and maybe even some boss fights!

Dr. Ferris chuckles.

Dr. Ferris; Fascinating.

Muffin Man; So, what's the point of any of this? What reason to any of us have to take part in this nonsense?

Acelegin; Well, according to these notes, each of you have a reason to move forward.

Muffin Man; What the hell is that supposed to mean?

A realization comes to the Muffin Man, and he clenches his fist.

Muffin Man; Megan...

The Muffin Man glares up at the announcer's booth.

Muffin Man; I swear, if you've done anything to my sister, I'm going to-!

Acelegin; Look, man. all it says here is "a reason to move forward". Vague as fuck. Even I don't know what it means. I'm not even the one in charge here.

Quan places a hand on the Muffin Man's shoulder.

Quan; chill, man. "Reason to move forward" doesn't automatically translate to "we have hostages". Maybe there's just a reward at the end of all this.

Muffin Man; How can you be sure!?

Dr. Ferris; Clouding your mind with stress would be counterproductive. If we press onward, and make it out of here intact, we'll get an answer to your sister's whereabouts. Until then, it's best to remain calm and rational.

The Muffin Man growls, then lets out a sigh.

Muffin Man; Fine...

Acelegin; With all that out of the way, I'll leave you to it.

Red Daniel; Best of luck, bitches!

Omega; So, how should we go about this?

Dr. Ferris; We should split into two groups.

Terrence Anathema; But isn't splitting the party usually a bad idea?

Muffin Man; No, the Doctor's right. If we split up into two groups of four, we'll maintain the advantage of strength in numbers, while covering more ground.

Quan; Sounds good to me!

Quan begins moving towards the Muffin Man, but Dr. Ferris stops him by hooking his arm with his cane.

Dr. Ferris; You're with me, muscles.

Dr. Ferris firmly plants his cane on the ground in front of him, and glances at Kai and Kareena.

Dr. Ferris; As are the kids.

Dr. Ferris looks directly at the Muffin Man.

Dr. Ferris; As for the rest of you, I think it's best if the Muffin Man takes charge.

Dr. Malice; What? Really?

Dr. Ferris; I'm aware of your story, and your experience with the Amalgam. I'm sure you must have gained some leadership skills throughout all of that.

Muffin; Sounds good to me. Any objections from the rest of you?

Terrence Anathema; I guess not?

Omega; I'm probably gonna die anyway, so whatever.

Dr. Malice sighs.

Dr. Malice; As long as you accept our input, then I guess I don't have a problem with it.

Muffin Man; So, what's the plan beyond just splitting up?

Dr. Ferris gestures to the ceiling.

Dr. Ferris; We're clearly indoors. Which means the exits Ace mentioned are most likely along the outer walls. So, if we make our way to the outermost parts of the maze, we'll have a better chance of finding a way out.

Kai; Makes sense to me.

Dr. Ferris; As far as puzzles and traps go, both groups will need someone with half-decent intelligence to think their way out of a difficult situation.

Dr. Ferris locks eyes with Dr. Malice briefly, then turns to Terrence Anathema.

Dr. Ferris; Terrence, I'm trusting you to be the brains of your team.

Dr. Malice; Hey! I'm basically a doctor too, you know!

Dr. Ferris smirks at Dr. Malice.

Dr. Ferris; Are you, though?

Dr. Malice; Fuck you.

Muffin Man; Let's get moving then. Malice, Omega, and Terrence are with me. The kids and the big guy are with you.

Dr. Ferris; Excellent. Let the experiment begin!

Kai; Um... what experiment?

Dr. Ferris; The world itself is an experiment, waiting to be solved! And I'm just the man for the job.

Dr. Malice; I bet I can solve it sooner.

Dr. Ferris; I bet you're wrong.

Dr. Malice; Did you even work for your doctorate?

Dr. Ferris; Do you even have a doctorate?

Karrena; Okay, can we maybe end the scientific dick measuring contest here?

Dr. Ferris; Trust me, if we were measuring dicks, there would be no contest.

Dr. Malice flips Dr. Ferris off.

Muffin Man; Enough. Let's quit wasting time and move on.

Dr. Ferris; Agreed.

Dr. Ferris turns to Quan.

Dr. Ferris; Alright, big guy. You lead the way.

Quan; Me?

Dr. Ferris; As the physically strongest of our team, you'd do best in the front. I'll take up the rear, so I can keep watch on the rest of you.

Quan; Okay. Tough guy on the front line. Makes sense.

The two parties split up and begin walking in separate directions. After walking a few yards, Dr. Ferris turns to look behind him, and discovered that the hedge maze has formed a wall behind him, preventing him from turning back. Dr. Ferris smirks.

Dr. Ferris; Well, that's one hypothesis proven correct.

Dr. Ferris turns forward, and continues walking behind the rest of his group.

Dr. Ferris; Let's run some more tests...

Meanwhile, in the announcer's booth.

Red Daniel; So, the maze closes behind them, so they can't backtrack?

Acelegin; Yep.

Red Daniel; I see. So that's how it fits in with the Vision, and destiny as a whole. No matter what paths you take moving forward, you can't undo the choices you've already made.

Acelegin; Exactly.

Red Daniel; Wasn't this a scrapped idea for a Vision domain?

Acelegin; I think so. I don't remember whose idea it was. I could probably look it up, but... you know... laziness...

Red Daniel; So, something else has been bugging me. Didn't Kai and Kareena also die in a previous Fearniversary event?

Acelegin; I don't think so, no.

Red Deniel; No, I definitely remember this. It was the tournament one. We definitely commentated on Kareena's fight.

Acelegin; I know not what you are referencing.

Red Daniel; It was the one where I scattered weapons all over the arena.

Acelegin; I have no recollection of these events.

Red Daniel; fuck you...

Meanwhile, in the maze.

Quan; So, you're another universe's Daniel, huh?

Dr. Ferris; Correct.

Quan; Neat. Gotta say, you're a lot different than my Daniel. You seem more... educated?

Dr. Ferris; I don't go by "Doctor" for nothing.

Quan; Cool beans. And what about you two?

Kai; I'm his intern. I've learned a lot from him.

Kareena; I'm a friend of Kai's. I'm sort of working for one of the Fears...

Quan; Which one?

Kareena; Valravn.

Quan; Never heard of it.

Dr. Ferris; I'm not sure if she exists in your universe.

Kai; So, who are you, exactly?

Quan; Well, my name is-

Dr. Ferris; Derek Quanford. Better known as Quan. A former servant of the Slender Man, and an Enhanced. Capable of impressive feats of physical strength, and a close friend and invaluable ally to your universe's Justin Ferin.

Quan; How did you...?

Dr. Ferris; You and I are both creations of Acelegin. I've done my research.

Suddenly, a path off to their right seals itself, and another path further up to the left opens up.

Dr. Ferris; Hm. Interesting. I think I'm beginning to understand.

Quan; Understand what?

Dr. Ferris; Oh, more data is needed before I explain. Let us progress, shall we?

Meanwhile, in the announcer's both.

Acelegin; Hey, is that a mini-fridge over there?

Red Daniel; Looks like it. Want me to check if it has any booze?

Acelegin; Please do.

Red Daniel gets up, and begins walking toward the fridge, but trips and falls to the ground.

Red Daniel; Ouch! Fuck!

Acelegin; You okay?

Red Daniel; Yeah. 

Acelegin; What'd you trip over?

Red Daniel; Looks like there's a random ass pipe running across the floor.

Acelegin; You didn't break it, did you?

Red Daniel; It looks dented a bit, but still intact.

Acelegin; Okay. I'm sure that won't be a problem later.

Red Daniel; Anyway...

Red Daniel opens the min-fridge.

Red Daniel; Score! Nat Ice!

Acelegin; Fuck yeah! Toss me one.

Meanwhile, back in the maze.

Dr. Malice; Haven't found any puzzles or anything yet.

Muffin Man; Try not to jinx it. It's been quiet so far. I'd rather not invite trouble.

Dr. Malice; Speaking of quiet... I haven't heard Omega or Terrence say anything in a while.

The two of them turn around to see the path behind them closed off, and Omega and Terrence nowhere to be seen.

Dr. Malice; The um... the way back is gone...

Muffin Man; And the other two aren't with us anymore...

Dr. Malice; Fuck! Did we get split up at some point?

Muffin Man; Evidently.

Dr. Malice; Shit! What should we do?

Muffin Man; We should keep moving forward. There's a chance we may run into them again. For now, we focus on our own safety.

Elsewhere.

Quan; So what's the deal with those other guys?

Dr. Ferris; Well, the Muffin Man is similar to me in some ways. He wields powers gained from the Fears. Unlike me, however, his abilities were gifted rather than stolen.

Quan; And the other Doctor?

Dr. Ferris; Pfft. If you want to call him that... He was a teacher, turned Thoughborn, turned body snatcher. As for Omega, he is a man with a penchant for dying in spectacular ways, only to reappear again later.

Quan; And that Terrence guy?

Dr. Ferris; He is somewhat complicated, but I believe he has had involvement in past Fearniversaries.

Suddenly, a harpy swoops down from the sky, screeching at them. Dr. Ferris calmly raises a hand, forming a finger gun.

Dr. Ferris; BANG!

A bolt of lightning bursts from Dr. Ferris's fingertip, blasting one of the creature's wings. Quan leaps into the air, grabs the harpy by the ankle, and slams it down hard onto the floor, breaking its back and killing it.

Quan; Woo! Good teamwork!

Quan turns to look back at the others, and his eyes widen in shock.

Quan; Um, the way back...

Kareena; It's gone!

Kai; Did you guys just notice that?

Dr. Ferris chuckles.

Dr. Ferris; Such is the way of destiny. Multiple paths forward, but no way back.

Quan; Well, that's annoying.

Dr. Ferris; Quite. I'm sure if Sera was here with us, she'd be equally annoyed. Although, she's always been better at making decisions than me, so she might just be in her element here.

Suddenly, the paths ahead on them change, presenting one path to the left, and another to the right. Dr. Ferris smiles.

Dr. Ferris; As I thought...

Dr. Ferris steps forward, and faces the path to the right.

Dr. Ferris; I believe the nearest wall is in this direction. I'll be taking this route. Quan, you take the children and go the other way.

Quan; What?

Kai; You're leaving us?

Dr. Ferris; You'll be safe with Quan. There's a matter I need to take care of. On my own.

Kareena; What kind of business could you possibly have in this maze?

Dr. Ferris; Let's just say...

Dr. Ferris looks down at his hand, and his body briefly flickers.

Dr. Ferris; I don't much enjoy being tethered...

Meanwhile, in a separate part of the maze, Terrence Anathema and Omega stand, perplexed by the closed of path behind them.

Omega; So, we got separated by the others, didn't we?

Terrence Anathema; And, we can't turn back to find them. Fuck...

Omega; Well, what should we do?

Terrence Anathema; Ugh. Of course. We all have a "reason to move forward". Because we literally can't turn back...

Omega; Like, are we a hundred percent sure that's what it means? I don't think we should rule out hostages or rewards.

Terrence Anathema; I don't know, man. Let's just keep going.

The two continue walking, until Omega spots an unsolved Rubix cube on the floor.

Omega; Oh! Look at this!

Omega picks up the cube, and Acelegin's voice suddenly comes on over the loudspeaker.

Acelegin; Congratulations, Omega! You've found the Rubix Cube Bomb Trap!

Omega; The what now?

Acelegin; The act of picking it up has activated the explosives inside the cube, and if you don't solve it in-

Omega; Done!

Acelegin; What?

Omega holds up the now fully solved Rubix cube.

Omega; I solved it.

Acelegin; Oh. That's pretty impressive. Unfortunately, you've solved it too quickly, and now it's gonna explode anyway.

Omega; Wait, what?

The Rubix cube fucking explodes.

Terrence Anathema; Oh my God! He's dead!

Acelegin; Yeah, you were supposed to solve it in a specific window of time. By rushing it, he caused it to go off prematurely.

Red Daniel; I mean, it's not a big deal. He's Omega! He'll probably just respawn in a different escape room.

Terrence Anathema; You know what, fuck you guys!

Terrence Anathema flips off the announcer's booth, then turns to walk away, and falls down a trap door.

Terrence Anathema; Oh shit!

Meanwhile, in the announcer's booth.

Red Daniel; Huh. What was that.

Acelegin; That's odd.

Acelegin check the notes.

Acelegin; The notes say nothing about a trap door being there...

Red Daniel; Where do you think it goes?

Acelegin; Another escape room maybe? I don't know.

Acelegin slaps the notes with the back of his hand.

Acelegin; Whoever's running this shit clearly didn't give me enough information.

Meanwhile, in the maze, Dr. Ferris stands, facing a wall of the maze.

Dr. Ferris; I wonder how Kallaway would do in this maze? Having his instincts would be helpful.

Dr. Ferris grins to himself, and rolls his eyes.

Dr. Ferris; Then again, he might just try to slash his way through the hedges...

The wall in front of him opens up, presenting a way forward.

Dr. Ferris; Hmm Excellent...

Meanwhile, in a different part of the maze.

Kareena; Ugh. I can't believe the nerve of that guy.

Quan; Relax. I'm sure the Doc knows what he's doing.

Kareena; Doesn't like being tethered my ass. Was he implying that we're holding him back.

Kai; I don't think so.

Kareena; What do you mean?

Kai; Well, he flickered a bit when he said that, just like the Muffin Man did when he tried using the God's Way. The Doctor's gotten used to using the God's Way to get around. I think he was saying that he doesn't like to be shut out of it.

Kareena; Okay, I guess I get that. But it doesn't explian why he went off on his own.

Kai; I think... maybe he's figured out what's holding him back, and is going to do something about it.

Kareena; And what if he does? Does he plan to just bail on us.

Kai; He wouldn't do that!

Kareena; Okay. I don't think I trust him as much as you do, but... well, it just sucks not having him here. He's powerful, and his absense kind of leaves us vulnerable.

Quan; Hey, you don't need to worry! You got me here! I'm the muscle, Kai's smarter than he gives himself credit for, and you... well, who doesn't like having a wildcard in their hand? Trust me. We stick together, everything will turn out fine.

Elsewhere.

Muffin Man; Damn it! A dead end!

The Muffin Man turns around to face the closed off way they had just come from.

Muffin Man; And, we still can't turn back. Terrific!

Dr. Malice; Just keep a cool head. This must be one of the puzzles they mentioned. We just have to figure out how to get forward.

Muffin Man; Don't you get it! We're trapped! And I.. I...

The Muffin Man slams his fist against the wall of the maze.

Muffin Man; I don't even know if she's safe!

Suddenly, a path opens to his left.

Muffin Man; What the... how did...?

Dr. Malice; This maze keeps shifting. I wonder why...

Muffin Man; Well, either way, we have a way forward again. A way to see if she's okay.

Dr. Malice; Maybe that's it.

Muffin Man; Maybe what's it?

Dr. Malice; Well, the path opened when you thought about keeping your sister safe, right?

Muffin Man; Yeah? So what?

Dr. Malice; Well, this maze is supposed to be symbolic of destiny, and choices. We have to choose what path to take, and we can't take those choices back.

Muffin Man; And?

Dr. Malice; Well, what ultimately influences our choices? It comes down to our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. If any of those change...

Muffin Man; Then we end up making different choices.

Dr. Malice; Exactly! The choices we make, and the choices ultimately available to us, depend on our state of mind.

Muffin Man; So, the maze is changing itself depending on our mindset. Malice, you might not be as dumb as the other Doctor thinks you are!

Meanwhile, in the announcer's booth, Acelegin and Red Daniel are snacking on potato chips.

Acelegin; So, uh... have you binged Hazbin Hotel yet?

Red Daniel; Holy shit, can we talk about that!?

Acelegin; I would love to!

Red Daniel; Okay, real quick. Favorite song and character?

Acelegin; Damn, it so hard to narrow it down! They're all great! If I have to pick just one of each, I have to go with Respectless and Emily, but it's like, real close.

Red Daniel; Girlboss energy and adorable angel girl. Fair. For me, I love all the songs, but More Than Anything is my fav. Lucifer is such a great Daddy.

Acelegin; I hate you calling him that...

Red Daniel; And my favorite character should be obvious.

Acelegin raises an eyebrow.

Acelegin; Angel Dust?

Red Daniel nods.

Red Daniel; Angel Dust.

Acelegin; Noice.

Red Daniel; So, um... should we be providing commentary?

Acelegin; You know, I've kind of stopped giving a shit, but we should at least check in.

Red Daniel; What's the other me doing?

Acelegin; He's standing in front of a wall. The wall has now opened up, and he's moving forward. He's now standing in front of a different wall. That wall has also opened.

Red Daniel; I don't get what's happening.

Acelegin; He seems to have figured out the maze's gimmick. You see, the maze changes depending on a person's mindset. And, since the shortest way to any destination is a straight line, the Doctor is exploiting that to his advantage. Whenever he hits a wall, he just allows his mind to wander until a way directly forward presents itself.

Red Daniel; Okay, let's pretend I understood any of that. Just where is he trying to get to?

Acelegin; It seems he's headed to the South wall. As for the others, Muffin and Malice are getting close to the West wall. Quan, Kai, and Kareena are nearing the East wall. And, what appears to be...

Acelegin checks his notes.

Acelegin; Oh ho! Looks like they're nearing the boss arena!

Red Daniel; Oh boy! Who's the boss?

Acelegin; I have no idea. The notes just say "Boss Arena". Seriously, these are vague as fuck...

As Quan, Kai, and Kareena enter the boss arena, a giant, eldritch monster, resembling a winged serpent. emerges and roars at them. Acelegin, suddenly filled with rage, grabs the microphone and roars into it.

Acelegin; TOM BITCTHTITS! My mortal enemy! Alas, we meet again, for the first time, for the last time!

Red Daniel; Who the fuck is Tom Bitchtits?

Acelegin continues speaking into the microphone.

Acelegin; Okay, guys, this is probably against the rules, but fuck it! I want this guy dead, so I'm gonna talk you through how to win! Quan, I need you to-

Tom Bitchtits smacks Quan with his tail, knocking him out of the arena. The hedge maze seals itself behind him.

Acelegin; Get immediately pimp slapped out of the arena...

Acelegin sighs.

Acelegin; Okay, I can still salvage this. Kai, get his attention, then run behind that pillar over there.

Kai follows Acelegin's instructions, and chucks a rock at Tom Bitchtit, then runs behind the pillar. Tom Bitchtits slithers to the pillar, and begins slithering back and forth on the opposite side as Kai.

Red Daniel; Um, what's happening?

Acelegin; I'll explain later. Kareena, see if you can find a weapon!

Tom Bitchtits begins moving around to the other side of the pillar.

Acelegin; Kai! Go left, and get to the other side!

Kai runs around to the other side of the pillar, and Tom Bitchtits begins slithering back and forth where Kai previously was.

Red Daniel; Okay, seriously, what's happening?

Acelegin; We're exploiting Tom's greatest weakness. His inability to navigate around pillars!

Red Daniel; Are you fucking kidding me?

Acelegin; That's how I beat him. Ow, fuck!

Red Daniel; What happened?

Acelegin; I stubbed my toe on something underneath the table. What the hell is...

Acelegin checks under the table, and suddenly grins broadly.

Acelegin; Oh, fuck yeah!

Acelegin produces a large plasma rifle from underneath the table, and slams it onto the table, pressing a button on it.

Red Daniel; Is that a fucking plasma rifle?

Acelegin; Fuck yes it is! But it needs time to charge...

Red Daniel grabs the microphone and shouts into it.

Red Daniel; Kareena! Do the wolf thing! Fuck him up!

Kareena painfully transforms into a bird-wolf hybrid, and begins fighting Tom Bitchtits.

Red Daniel; Kai! There's a pile of rocks to your left! Keep his attention divided.

Kai picks up the rocks, and starts running around, throwing them at Tom Bitchtits head. Kareena takes advantage of the distraction, grabbing Tom Bitchtits by the tails and slamming him into a nearby pillar. The plasma rifle finishes charging, and Acelegin opens a window and takes aim.

Acelegin; Both of you get down!

Kai and Kareena both take cover.

Acelegin; This is for Marchani, you motherfucker! Feel the wrath of the Lord of the Dickhouse!

Acelegin pulls the trigger, hitting Tom Bitchtits with a devestation burst of energy. Tom Bitchtits reels back in pain, and slither away into the depths of the maze.

Acelegin; Damn. He survived.

Acelegin closes the window.

Red Daniel; Okay, who the hell is Marchani? And you're lord of the what-now?

Acelegin; Dude, do even watch my Let's Plays?

Red Daniel shrugs.

Red Daniel; I mean, some of them?

Meanwhile, at the South wall, Dr. Ferris is intently listening to the broadcast.

Dr. Ferris; Hmm. Seems they managed just fine. Anyway...

Dr. Ferris examins some papers taped to the wall, with various symbols scribbled on them.

Dr. Ferris; As I thought. This trick again...

Dr. Ferris reaches a hand out, and sets one of the papers on fire, watching it crumbles to ash. His body flickers a little bit.

Dr. Ferris; Hmm. Let's see how many more it'll take...

Meanwhile, at the boss arena.

Kai; You okay?

Kareena, back in her human form, sighs and shrugs.

Kareena; That transformation sucks, but it got the job done...

Kai; I think I see a door over there.

Kareena; I guess we found the exit.

Kai; What about Quan?

Kareena; I don't know. Should we wait for him to get back?

Kai; I don't know. What if that thing comes back?

Kareena; Good point. But is going through there without our muscle a good idea?

Kai; I don't know. But...

Kai reaches out a hand to help Kareena up.

Kai; I still have my wild card. Maybe... that'll be enough?

Kareena takes Kai's hand, and he helps her up.

Kareena; Maybe. We've still got each other, no matter what.

Kai nods.

Kai; Let's go.

Together, Kareena and Kai exit through the door.

Meanwhile, in a different part of the maze, Quan lies on his back, moaning in pain. Acelegin's voice sounds over the loudspeaker.

Acelegin; And Kareena and Kai have successfully reached an exit! Good for them.

Quan sighs, and stands back up.

Quan; Good for them. The Doc's not gonna be happy about me getting separated.

Quan begins walking through the maze, until he finds himself at one of the outer walls. He examines the wall, then looks down at his right hand. He flexes his fingers, a thoughtful look crossing his face. After a few moments, he clenches his fist, reels back, and hit the wall with a powerful blow, causing a large amount of the brickwork to collapse, leaving a hole large enough to step through. Quan rubs his knuckles, admiring the results of his punch, and steps forward, through the hole he made.

Meanwhile, in the announcer's booth.

Red Daniel; um... did he just...

Acelegin; Literally punch his way out of the situation? Yes. Yes he did...

Red Daniel; Is that a bad thing?

Acelegin; I have no idea. I don't even know what's on the other side of that wall. Could be a death trap. Could be another escape room. He might not even be in the building anymore.

Meanwhile, at a different wall, Dr. Ferris continues walking along the wall, burning every paper symbol he comes across.

Dr. Ferris; That was at least thiry. Maybe it'll work now.

Dr. Ferris closes his eyes, and vanishes, reappearing a few feet forward.

Dr. Ferris; Heh. Fools, thinking they could restrain me. Now, for the next step...

Dr. Ferris vanishes again, but does not reappear.

Meanwhile, in the announcer's booth.

Acelegin; And he's gone too. Fuck...

Red Daniel; So, those papers were the only thing preventing him from doing that?

Acelegin; It would seem so...

Meanwhile, back in the maze.

Muffin Man; Hmm?

Dr. Malice; What's up?

Muffin Man; Something's different...

The Muffin Man teleports a few feet forward.

Dr. Malice; Whoa! You can use the God's Way again.

Muffin Man; It would seem so.

Dr. Malice; That means you can escape, right?

The Muffin Man remains silent for a few moments, thinking.

Dr. Malice;  You okay?

Muffin Man; If there's even a chance she's in danger... I need to see this through to the end.

Dr. Malice nods.

Dr. Malice; Understood.

The maze shifts, showing them a new way forward.

Dr. Malice; Let's move. I think I see something up ahead.

They move forward, coming to a set of three levers, as well as two men, one dressed in a white suit, the other dressed in a black suit. Behind them is a door. Acelegin's voice sounds over the loudspeaker.

Acelegin; Congratulations! You've made it to the lever puzzle! Before you are three levers, and two men. One man speaks only in truths, the other speaks only in lies! Good luck!

Dr. Malice; Okay, it's one of these puzzles. So, we need to ask the correct questions to figured out which man is which, and use what they tell us to determine which lever...

The Muffin Man teleports in front of the White-Suited Man, and punches him in the face. The Man cries out in pain, clutching his nose.

Muffin Man; Did I just punch you in the face?

White-Suited Man; Yes. Yes you did.

Muffin Man; I think this is the honest one.

Dr. Malice; Okay, we have chosen violence. In that case, we might as well be sure...

Dr. Malice walks up to the Black-Suited Man, and kicks him in the groin. The Man collapses to the ground, writhing in pain.

Dr. Malice; Did I just kick you in the nuts?

Black-Suited Man; No, you didn't!

Dr. Malice; I guess this one's the liar.

Muffin Man; Right then. Okay...

The Muffin Man points to the first lever, and addresses the White-Suited Man.

Muffin Man; Is that the lever that opens the door?

White-Suited Man; No.

The Muffin Man points to the second lever.

Muffin Man; Is that the lever that opens the door?

White-Suited Man; No.

Dr. Malice; So, then it must be this one.

Dr. Malice approaches the third lever.

Muffin Man; Hold on. It could still be a trick. Is that the lever that opens the door?

White-Suited Man; No.

Muffin Man; So, none of these levers open the door?

White-Suited Man; That's correct.

Muffin Man; Then, what do they do?

White-Suited Man; Nothing. They're just there for aesthetic purposes.

Muffin Man; Then how do we open the door?

White-Suited Man; You turn the doorknob and push.

The Muffin Man stands in stunned silence for a bit.

Muffin Man; You've got to be kidding me.

White-Suited Man; I'm not.

Dr. Malice; Um... after you, I guess?

White-Suited Man; Good luck.

Black-Suited Man; I love you.

Dr. Malice and the Muffin Man approach the door, and exit through it.

Meanwhile, in the announcer's booth.

Acelegin; Well, I guess that's it then.

Red Daniel; You know, honestly this was pretty fun. I wonder what's next for those guys.

Acelegin; Who knows. Our work is done here.

Red Daniel; Yeah. We got watch a guy explode, another guy get kicked in the dick, and you fired a plasma gun at a snake monster that's apparently your arch nemesis.

Red Daniel produces a crack pipe and lighter from his coat pocket.

Red Daniel; How about some celebratory crack?

Acelegin; I think I'll pass on the hard drugs.

Red Daniel; More for me.

Red Daniel begins lighting the pipe.

Acelegin; Wait a second... do smell gasoli-

The announcer's booth fucking explodes.